I am…. Or was…. Or am…… Am I???? by Joe Sicilia

I am a bubbly, bouncing baby boy….. the envy of affection in my family’s eyes. Bright eyed and with the world at my feet and a future full of opportunities.

I am resembling a Raggedy Andy Doll within a few years, being tossed from place to place before finding Grace and a glimmer of hope.

I am a dreamer…. every open space was quickly turned into my stage. Movies, Music, TV Specials featuring some of the world’s brightest Ice Skaters take my mind away to places to a world of peace that becomes very appealing to me.

I was loved by Richard and Donna, two loving souls who even after raising three children…. decided to sacrifice in order to give their first grandchild a chance at a better life.

I was a straight A student
I was easy to love….. but hard to understand by most of my peers.
I was a friend…. to a select few people who at least tried to understand.

For a while, Life seems to be evolving, feeling myself slowly coming out of my shell.
I am an orphan… in a matter of a year my world as I knew it is crumbled and changed forever.

I am Spinning
NO, I was Angry
NO, I am confused
AM I?????

I am 5 years older now, high school has passed and I am lonelier, more despised…… and nowhere to turn.
I am Homeless within a matter of months
I was sinking
NO, I am drowning
Am I????

I resemble a leading character on “The Young and the Restless” or “All My Children” ….. constant drama, heartbreak after heartbreak…. I have mastered the art of crying on cue. Where’s my EMMY?? No, Better question, WHere’s my agent….. I want out of this deal!!!

I am given a diagnosis…. Me….. Me?

After another year, I am breathing a little easier… a chance to be in my own apartment.
I pack the bags into my friend’s car….. I am in disbelief
We are driving down the street of the complex….. I am dreaming
I sign the lease….. wait, wait a minute what’s the catch….. waiting for the other shoe to drop as it always does…. or did!?
The key….. not only to my future but to my old self before depression

I turn the key….. I catch my breath

Nearly two years later….. I feel better….. I am better!!!

I am………?

I was……..?

Or am……?

I AM!!!!!!!!

Joe Sicilia, Bridgeport, Connecticut
Southern Connecticut Alliance, B Stigma-Free
Eliminating Stigma One Story at a Time Essay Contest 2014
www.bstigmafree.org

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